Old age | Oma

Getting old has its compensations, but also its draw-backs. I am nearly 63 years old and I am learning, slowly. For the last seven years or so I have been in transition and it hasn’t been easy. Far from it. I have had to let go of a lot of things. I no longer kid myself that I look ‘good for my age’. Once I realised that, I embraced the age that I am and went in a different direction. However, that didn’t quite suit me and it still doesn’t, if I’m honest.

A year or so ago I cut my long, auburn (dyed) hair and let it go grey. Not so important maybe, but it was to me. I looked in the mirror and someone else was peeking back at me. The face in the mirror looked sad, apologetic even. Had I done the right thing? Maybe I should have kept on dyeing that hair but what is the point. I didn’t like the grey roots poking through. No, that looked awful. I kept my hair short for a while, fiddling about with curlers to try and keep it looking lively. Then I gave up and had a perm. Looking in the mirror that day, I saw my Auntie Connie looking back. Damn it! Where is me in all this? Where have I gone?

Since then I’ve kept my hair grey and fought off the aches and pains which seem to increase weekly. I feel guilty that I wasn’t more sympathetic to my own mother. She went through this too, I tell myself.

I have stopped using make-up, except for a little lipstick. That does brighten my face up so I keep that; but I can’t wear mascara anymore because my eyelids have drooped and now if I apply mascara, it ends up on the lids as well as the lashes and it’s darned difficult to get off.

With the negative issues comes also a sense of satisfaction, almost a wisdom. I now know what the outcome will be if I do this or that. I know what to avoid doing, which is a big help.

What I do know, I would like to pass on to my children, but they don’t want to know. If they want to know something, they turn to the internet these days. That makes me feel superfluous.

It’s not all bad though. I have more freedom with my time. Freedom to do my crafting, to visit lovely places and time to watch my garden grow. I have time to listen if anyone wants to talk.

I am content.

Read and enjoy this poem, which I found in an old copy of Peoples’ Friend Magazine:

Just The Way I Am

by Pam Davies

My face will not be lifted

And my tummy not be tucked.

It’s quite enough to file my nails

And have my eyebrows plucked.

Wrinkles on my face relax,

They know I’m Botox-free;

They know they’re in no danger

And they suit the likes of me.

Bits of me have grown and bulge,

Bits of me recede;

Some bits hint at deprivation,

Others hint at greed.

But every bit can tell a tale.

Is marked by fun or strife;

They’re signs of all the highs and lows

That bless my thankful life.

I shall not seek a surgeon

To return me to my youth,

I’m happy just the way I am,

Contented with the truth!

Have a lovely Sunday everyone. Thank you to my faithful blogging friends for sticking with me. You know who you are! and thank you to my new followers. You are most welcome to journey along with me.

Oma

REMEMBER

by Christina Rosetti 1830 – 94

Remember me when I am gone away,

Gone far away into the silent land;

When you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day

You tell me of our future that you planned:

Only remember me; you understand

It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while

And afterwards remember; do not grieve:

For if the darkness and corruption leave

A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,

Better by far you should forget and smile

Than that you should remember and be sad.

+++

I shall be 61 years old soon, so I have made it through my 60th year, which has been very difficult for me. The difficulty comes when you don’t feel 60, not in your mind anyway, but the mirror and a chance glance in a shop window, remind you that you no longer look like you thought you looked. I have talked about the physical signs of aging before and will do again, but it’s harder to quantify the emotional mind when it ages.

People change as they get older. Dare I say that I am not the person I was at 14? or 21?, 30?, 40? or 50? I would like to think that I have improved but the truth is that I have just changed. I don’t think I am any better than I was way back then. Perhaps I am more forgiving? Yes, that is true. I am more forgiving, less judgmental but on the down side, I am more set in my ways. I resist change in my life more than before. I find I don’t yearn to learn new things quite as much as I did even five years ago. It is hard to keep up with new technology. It doesn’t seem to work like it’s supposed to so every day brings a new challenge. Something has gone wrong with A, B or C and it is up to me or my partner to fix it.

Computers and telephones play a much larger part in our lives than they used to. I have resisted getting a Smartphone thus far; saying to myself that I don’t need one; it is too complicated; I might lose it; I can’t afford the monthly payments now that I am on a restricted budget. Those are the kind of excuses I use for myself. I don’t need one, it is true. I do just fine with the two pay-as-you-go phones I have – one for England and one for America.

Computers are a different matter. So many forms need to be filled in online these days that no-one can really function properly without one. Then there is the fun side of computers. There is still a lot of fun in surfing the Internet and I enjoy that as much as anyone. However, my computer in England, which is only two years old, is running very slow. I have no idea why and no intention of buying software to sort out the problem. I know if I do that, more problems will occur. When I get back I intend to try and speed it up a bit. I may need to buy more memory but should I have to? after only two years use? I’ll let you know.

As I enter my 61st year next week, I find myself spending more and more time remembering……