ATM Machines

Bear_faceDoes this sound familiar?


A new sign in  the Bank Lobby reads:

‘Please note that this  Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines  enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving  their vehicles.

Customers using this new  facility are requested to use the procedures outlined  below when accessing their accounts.

After  months of careful research, “MALE & FEMALE”  procedures have been developed. Please follow the  appropriate steps for your gender.’



1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2.  Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into  machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash  required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and  receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive  off.



(What is really funny is that most of  this part is the truth!!!!)

1. Drive up to cash  machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount  to align car window with the machine.
3. Set  parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find  handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to  locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will  call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert  card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier  access to machine due to its excessive distance from  the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the  right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary  with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11.  Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct  PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14.  Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash  and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate  wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit  amount in check register and place receipt in back of  check book.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive  forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash  machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand  bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot  provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver  waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and  pull off.
25. Re-dial person on cell phone.
26.  Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking  Brake.

Are you laughing at this point? I certainly was.

6 thoughts on “ATM Machines

  1. Crikey, and I never thought to check the make-up! Actually, from the male drivers I’ve seen, they should switch the male and female procedures…lol. Could I pinch this for my blog, with permission and due accreditation of course?

    • Dear Valerie,

      Of course you can ‘pinch’ it. You don’t need to do the accreditation. I got it from another friend and it’s too funny to keep to yourself!

      I agree. Larry always used to put his card in back to front at first when we were in America.

      I do think though that it would be nice to have somewhere to put one’s handbag in a car when one is driving, don’t you? I usually sling mine between their legs (on the floor of course, ha ha).

      Best wishes, Stella

  2. “some of it is probably true?” I think every single word is true! I think there should be separate drive through windows..just like restrooms. One for Males, and one for Females. His and Her drive throughs. It would give the gal behind you extra time to find her card, her pin, and at least get on glance in the rear view mirror to check her makeup, find her lipstick, apply lipstick and fluff her hair… and when she got to the window..she would be ahead of the game..and only have to put her junk, um, precious items, back in her handbag, retrieve her wallet back out again…and pull forward..back up and …etc. etc.
    🙂 Mona

  3. I have to admit to one of those faults, I did once set off with handbrake still on but I didn’t drive for 2 to three minutes lol only seconds, ( I think! ) hehe… LOL enjoyed the laugh.. 🙂

    • Hmm that’s one of my faults too – driving with the handbrake still one. I’ve done it twice in the last month. One of those times I got right to a roundabout before I realised. Thing is, the car didn’t seem to mind one bit and kept on going!

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